Irrational Fears

Do you suffer from irrational fears? Are you riddled with anxiety because you just know you left the stove/coffeepot/curling iron on at home? Do you check the receiver of a sexy text at least 50 times before hitting ‘send’? Actually, that one seems pretty rational. Keep doing that.

Don’t worry, this isn’t where I segue into some pitch about a product that eliminates these fears, despite my super gimmicky intro.

All I’m say is that if you happen to be one of those people, fear not! [haha, see what I did there?] You’re not alone. I also suffer from an incredibly irrational fear.

Ok, deep breath. Here it goes. Confession time.

My irrational fear is flatware in the microwave. No, I don’t mean like actually putting flatware in the microwave. That is a very legitimate thing to fear. Don’t do that. What I mean is, every time I microwave food, the moment the beep beep beep alerts my attention, my immediate thought is, “omg did I leave the spoon in the bowl?!”

It’s irrational because obviously I did not. Otherwise the microwave would be sparking or bursting into flames or exploding or doing whatever microwaves do when you put metal inside of them. I wouldn’t know. Because I, in fact, have never actually forgotten my utensil in the aforementioned microwave. See? Completely irrational fear. I could understand how one would be afraid of absentmindedly putting their fork in the microwave if they had that kind of track record. But I do not.

So there you have it. I’m a weirdo. But that’s really not news to you if you actually know me.