I'll take one portion of perspective, with a heavy side of gratitude, please!

I have a tendency to spiral.

Well, let’s back up… a bit of back story.

Instead of being my own best cheerleader, I’ve always been more along the lines of my own worst enemy. A head full of negativity and self-doubt makes for an exhausting internal dialog. And while I’ve always loved to label myself as ‘easy going’, the truth is I can be a bit of a worry wart, a control freak, and perfectionist. Honestly sometimes I feel like my top two skills are my ability to survive high levels of anxiety and an innate ability to over-analyze anything. Like, literally anything.

My most recent spiral, one I’ve admittedly revisited far too frequently, is that I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. If you’ve done a bit of scrolling through this blog, then that previous statement comes as no surprise to you. And if you stay around long enough, it’s a sentiment you’ll probably tire of quite quickly. I know I have. Yet, here I am, still continuing to write about it.

Now, I know what you and all the other well meaning people will say; “nobody really knows what they’re doing in life.” Bull shit. That is absolute bull shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there are loads of people who, like myself, are floating through life without a single sense of where they’re going. But I call bull shit on the idea that nobody really knows what they’re doing. I know so many amazingly ambitious people who have the magical duo of drive and direction working on their side. I, however, am not one of those people.

I have no problem with the ‘drive’ portion of the equation. I was lucky enough to have been raised with an incredible work ethic that has been modeled to me by every single member of my family. I don’t care if I have to work three jobs to pay the bills. Suck it up buttercup. Do what needs to be done. That’s how I’ve been raised.

Now, the direction is the piece I feel like I’ve been missing for basically my entire life.

Recently, while thankfully having a moment of calm clarity, I realized I’ve been looking at this ‘situation’ entirely wrong. So I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, that is clear. Ok, cool, now get over it. A simple shift in my perspective has lead me in the right direction.

‘Direction’ is no longer a destination for me. Not a career, lifestyle, relationship, etc. More so, it’s the direction of just appreciating where I am at this exact moment in life. Gone are the days of focusing on what I don’t know. I’ve chosen to change my perspective and focus on everything I already have in life. A little gratitude goes a hell of a long way in the mental stability department. I have a great job at a company I feel proud to support. I live close enough to my family to visit and help them on a regular basis. I live on freaking Torch Lake! Like, come on lady, get your head out of your ass.

Stop focusing on the unknown. The worry, the comparison, the somehow pre-determined societal standard of where you’re supposed to be in life at a certain point. That, my friends, is bull shit. Focus on what you do have. Focus on who you are in this exact moment and on what you can do right now to help move you at least in the direction of who you want to be. After all, wherever you end up in life, there. you. are.

So stop worrying about the ‘where’ and focus more on who you want to be.

At least that’s the perspective I’m choosing to take from now on.